The Many Rules of Gravel

They aren’t any more unwritten rules, because I just wrote them here.

Here we are, 2023. It’s only a matter of weeks until gravel season properly kicks off with Mid South. After that, there will be the barrage of big races across the Midwest, through the Rocky Mountains, and up the Pacific coast from California to Washington. I’ve been told they also hold gravel races on the East Coast, but I thought everyone was too busy training for cyclocross. Or are they still racing road? Who knows.

Since gravel is now Big Time Racing, it needs rules, lots of rules. Just look at how the NFL does things: Tons of confusing rules, and they change them every year. Seems to be a winning formula! So, without further ado, here are the entries into the 2023 Gravel Rulebook. Disobey them at your own peril.

1. You are riding the correct tires. You also are not riding the correct tires. This is basically gravel riding’s version quantum physics.

2. A gravel bike is perfect for literally every kind of riding. Except fast group rides with roadies. And except mountain bike trails. And it’s probably not going to work in deep snow. Or on dirt jumps. But other then that, yeah.

3. Gravel riding was invented by a Frenchman in 1876. We do not know his name, but we can be certain that he had a mustache.

4. Any and all video Gravel Content must be aired exclusively on Paramount+ streaming service. Any and all written Gravel Content must be printed on a dot-matrix printer, folded and stapled in half, and hand-delivered by the Content Creator to subscribers bi-weekly.

5. Yes, you’re right, you were riding gravel way back in the ‘90s, before the bike industry cashed in on the trend. Unfortunately, the statute of limitations has expired, so you no longer have a legal basis to make that claim.

6. A mountain bike with drop bars is a gravel bike. A gravel bike with flat bars is a gravel bike. A gravel bike with aero bars is kind of annoying, but whatever. You do you.

7. If a gravel race is not sanctioned by the UCI, it does not exist.

8. There is an inverse relationship between the amount of brain power you devote to your power zones and the cubic liters of storage afforded by your frame bag, bar bag, and/or hip pack. This is a gravel rider’s natural defense mechanism because wireless power meter signals have been known to spontaneously ignite bags.

9. No Garmin, no rules. Sorry, probably should have mentioned this one at the top. Forget everything you just read if you’re not riding with a GPS.

10. If you drink a beer on a ride and you do not post a photo of the moment, your body will not actually absorb the alcohol. This phenomenon was validated by a landmark 2019 case in the Ninth Circuit of Federal appeals. It’s basically a Get Out of Jail Free card.

11. European gravel riding isn’t really gravel riding. Technically, it is gravèl, grável, gràvel, gravël, or χαλίκι, depending on where you are.

12. I give you permission to put a suspension fork on your gravel bike.

13. Beginning May 7, 2025, every air traveler 18 years of age and older will need a REAL ID-compliant driver's license. Also as of that same deadline, everyone will need to have exchanged their rim-brake road bikes for gravel bikes. Sorry, roadies, if you don’t like the law, take it up with your elected representatives.

And last but not least, on any given day, from now to eternity, gravel will be new for someone, somewhere. The only rule that matters is they should be having a fun time. So in all seriousness, who cares about rules — mine, yours, theirs, written, or unwritten? Just be stoked that they are stoked.